OK! So, after two and a half weeks of writing, hoping, and trying to get here, I’m pleased to say that as of this afternoon, I am:
- On new (and hopefully good) anxiety medication.
- In the process of referral for psychiatric evaluation and counselling.
- The owner of a new and lovely shower gel.
The last one probably wasn’t necessary but it smells really, really good, guys.
But… Hooray! I’m here! I’ve moved from absolute ground zero to the beginning – the first serious steps – towards getting myself healthy. I’ve got appointments booked out the whazz, but it’s all for an excellent cause: me! We’ve got appointments for everything from diabetes testing to asthma testing, all in the name of getting me back to a place where I am living a healthy, fulfilling life again. I’m not religious in the slightest, but I feel blessed nonetheless.
Right now, I feel grateful to myself because my anxiety and depression often make it really easy for me to over-analyse myself into not going to do things, and I was pretty concerned that come today, I was just going to make up some reason not to go to the GP and get the ball rolling. However, I was prepped and ready ahead of time, so I didn’t have a reason to run around and make myself “too late” to make it. I also managed to successfully talk myself out of wasting time during the day when I could be getting ready. It was productive, and I’m both astonished and eternally grateful that today happened the way it did.
I’ll probably write more tomorrow about how depression can make you fight against yourself, but today is feeling so good that I want to try to capture this feeling, and not over-analyse it by talking about the bad parts of my psyche. So, instead of way too many paragraphs about things that make us sad, I hope you enjoy this video of the sea, taken near my home. It was a beautiful, sunny day, but quite windy.